Affinity for the Wolf

My friend Valleah would sit in the grass by the shade, and wait for me to get out of class. She had classes of her own, but chose not to go to them. Instead, she would do her own independent studies. One day, I found her reading a book called “Totem Animals.” We searched through the book together, learning about the different animals and what significance they held in our lives. Valleah had an affinity for crows. I felt most deeply connected to wolves and dogs. The book said they were loyal and wise. They enjoyed the community of a pack, while having enough time to themselves.

Wolf (or canine) energy seemed to be the most dominant totem force in my life. I grew up with dogs as pets since I was three. My dog Rico, who was half husky, resembled a wolf. To this day, he is one of the most loyal beings I have ever met. One time, while crossing the street, a Toyota Corolla drove up too close to us before stopping. This alarmed Rico, and he pushed me out of harm’s way, leaving himself in potential danger. Luckily, the Corolla did stop, with several inches between him and the car’s front bumper.

In another incident, my friend Gina invited Rico and me to a canine birthday celebration she threw for her terrier Quentin. She also had a full bar. The humans drank alcohol and chatted while the animals chased each other around the house and backyard. I had a little too much to drink and forgot how to walk. Rico sensed that something was wrong. His big, brown eyes looked over at me with concern, and his wet, black nose twitched as if trouble were in the air. He left his group of canine friends and watched over me as I rested on Gina’s couch. When I got up to stumble to the bathroom, he followed me. And when I closed the bathroom door behind me, leaving him on the other side of it, he whimpered and scratched at the immoveable barrier blocking his path. I could hear Gina talking to him on the other side.

“Don’t worry,” she told him. “Your momma will be outta there soon.” I imagined her petting his head as she said this.

He whimpered something back to her in return.

Eventually, I emerged from the bathroom, and staggered back over to the couch. Rico didn’t leave my side until I sobered up.

But the most auspicious experience I had with wolf energy occurred when I first got involved with a Yogic Buddhist community. I was taking a bus to the yoga center to meet up with the rest of the group. From the center, many of us would carpool to the meditation retreat in Jacumba, California. I started to lose my nerve. It was my first spiritual retreat, and I began to have my doubts. What was I doing? Was I on the right path? Maybe I should get off the bus. I asked the universe to give me a sign that I was heading in the right direction. Otherwise, I was going to pull the dinger and get off at the next stop. The bus turned a corner, and on the side of a building, was an enormous mural of a gray wolf. His stance was powerful and still, his features depicted him as wise, like a sage. I became hypnotized by his deep, penetrating eyes. My hand released the dinger and I remained in my seat.

Eight years later, I’m still a part of that Yogic Buddhist community…